Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Worst Jokes Ever
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.
Lol, mum's gay.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Stephen Hawking.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
Whet
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?
There's 20 of them.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
Trystan Leonard is going out with Katelynn O'Toole.
Why was Stephen Hawking good at football? Because he is a pro dribbler.
Can't wait for Stephen Hawking's next update.
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.