Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.
We never met again.
So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.
I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.
Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."
Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.
2+2=4-1=3 quick math.
Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.
What's better than one dead baby?
Two dead babies.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's just a joke!
Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
What did the trumpet say to Trump?
"Hi, fellow trumpet!"