My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
Worst Jokes Ever
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
The world's funniest joke? Your life.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner!
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Fuck you people who made those jokes! (but some were funny but the starving one is messed up!)
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.
What do you call a drivable Hamburger?
What?
A Hamborgini.
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
What's long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cuCUMber.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
Why haven't they just tried turning Stephen Hawking on and off?
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never grow old.
You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?
What do French ducks say?
Quoi quoi.
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?
Stephen Hawking's coffin.