What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
Worst Jokes Ever
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.
I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display: Mr. Rodger's sweater, Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt, and Stephen Hawking's drool rag.
Are you beef?
Because you're Carlos-Asada.
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
I gave my friends some buttons.
Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.
What is black, white, and red all over?
My third wife.
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow-moving business.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
Why did the man decide to work at a pizza place?
Because he kneaded the dough!