What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
Worst Jokes Ever
Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
Stephen Hawking tried to crack Abutu.
What do you call a fat Chinese guy?
A double chinkey.
My friend had no school because of heavy snow.
Guess you could say it was a snow school day!
What was Stephen Hawking's name before he got his disease?
Stephen Walkins.
Are you an egg, because you crack me up?
My will to live.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Fruit Ninja was a gay weeaboo!
How did Stephen Hawking die? He went in the rain! 😂😂😂
Why is it called a building if it's already built?
My life is such an udder disappointment. What an udder failure!
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
What do you call a mammal that has no hair?
Cancer.