Worst Jokes Ever
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Donald Trump has too much sand in his vagina.
What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?
My boner.
What's the good thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's twenty of them!
My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.
I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.
Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
What goes in soft and comes out hard?
Gum, you whore!
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
Why can't orphans play catch?
Because they don't have parents to catch the ball.