Worst Jokes Ever

Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?

They’re just two weeks to quit.

I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"

I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?

Gasar.

What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?

Q: Why are orphans bad at baseball?

A: They can’t find home.

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?

Battery acid.

Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

Wanna hear a funny joke?

My life.

One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."

The other said, "Really? I like my bed."

So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"

This for you roman y e e e nt

Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she was hit by a bus.

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a Shitzu.