Worst Jokes Ever
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
So my brother said we should start a band, and I said I already had a band. So I gave him my band and he said he was talking about music, and I said, "Well, I do have a trum-bone ;)"
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Why couldn't the kid go rock wall climbing?
Because every time he moved his leg upward, his prosthetic leg fell off.
Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
How do you make a handkerchief dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack? His shoulder.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
What do you call a whiteboard that is dirty?
A dirty whiteboard.
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers upset? They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plane.
Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.
Ligma.
Balls.
I love my family when they're buried alive.
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!