Worst Jokes Ever

I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.

I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.

Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.

Why couldn't Bob hang himself?

Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)

What is your true crush?

A soda crush.

Kid: How much do you get paid?

Teacher: Minimum wage.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

What's a convict's favorite chore?

Weeding.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.

What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?

Cauliflower.

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre.

Which room is the safest place in the house?

The living room.

I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.

What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?

A: A virgin.

Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!

Gun control...