Worst Jokes Ever
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
Why will we never get hungry in the desert?
We have lots of sand-which's.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
Your mam is gay.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
Pacman 200 balls
This is so sad, Alexa, play Despacito.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired!
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."
Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.
When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!