Worst Jokes Ever
Wanna hear a joke?
Yeah.
...
What's the joke?
I said it already!
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
Have you ever had African water??
Neither have they.
This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.
Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?
They both jump in the toilet!
What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...
Your penis!
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.
What did the dick say to the asshole?
You need another dick.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Licka-lotta-puss.
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
What was Jim Jones' favorite drink?
Killer Kool-Aid.
Stroke victims are my heroes.
My favorite is Louis C.K.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ligma. Ligma who? LIGMA BALLS!
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
I hate these double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.
What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?
A skele-TON!