Worst Jokes Ever
Two mates walk into a bar.
Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"
Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."
Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"
Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."
Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"
What did the Olympic Swimmer call his son?
Paul.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...
I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.
Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.
Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?
Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.
My friend was like, "That's a huge sack of balls!"
He didn't realize what was about to happen.
"That's what she said!"
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Batman vs Superman?
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
What is the opposite of salt water?
Pepper water.
Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.