Worst Jokes Ever

So, I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier: the looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

Stephen Hawking lost Wi-Fi connection.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

What’s green, fuzzy, and falls out of a tree? A pool table.

Wow, this group is a joke, like my life.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.

Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.

Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.

If I busted an egg on your head.... the yolk would be on you... ha ha ha!!!

Why did the little girl flush herself down the toilet?

Because she wanted to join the Brownies.

With a poke-poke here,

And a poke-poke there,

Here a poke, There a poke, everywhere a poke-poke!

After all the mudslides in the area, the streets became a mudder out there.

Yo mama's so hot when she walked into Subway she gave me a foot long!

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

I had the best butterfingers yesterday.

I dropped it.

I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.

When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?

Because he fell off his wheelchair.

I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Why did the man yell at the other? To tell a pun.