Worst Jokes Ever
I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your brother is gay, and so are you.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
Why is Donald Trump president?
So he can deport Mexicans to Mexico.
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snow girl?
Snowballs.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Nobody, because chickens don't talk."
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
I like trees when they are firmly stuck in a hole. PS, your hole.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.