Worst Jokes Ever
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Pete: Knock, knock...
Paul: Who's there?
Pete: Boo...
Paul: Boo who?
Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!
Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!
You look tall for being a yellow dwarf. You are 432,450 miles tall!
I learned that a strangler was targeting me.
All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
Why was the egg runny?
Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.
Wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.
Robyn Smith
Lewis Clow
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
A blind person walks into a bar.
Because they can’t see where they are going.
Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?
Because they lost their two best shooters...
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
What's long, black, and sticky?
A stick.
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."