Worst Jokes Ever
Who is king of the insects?
The Monarch.
How do you know your baby is dead?
It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.
I like my humor like my people. Well done.
I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
What do you call a girl skeleton dancing?
A bone-étit.
Papa: Johnny, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Papa: Open wide.
Johnny: HAHAHA.
Papa: *unzips pants*
Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
Person you don't know, my name.
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?
One kid in eight dustbins.
There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.
The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”
So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.
The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.
The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.
While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”
My life is a joke.
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.