What goes in soft and comes out hard?
Gum, you whore!
Worst Jokes Ever
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
Why can't orphans play catch?
Because they don't have parents to catch the ball.
What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
Stephen Hawking only went to hell because he couldn't get up the stairway to heaven.
Did you hear about the guy who made the knock-knock joke? I heard he got the Nobel Prize.
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?
Nose-less.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
Yo mama so fat, when she joined Team 10...
It became TEAM, 10, TONS!
Yo mama so fat, when she plays Undertale, Omega Flowey's mouth isn't big enough to eat her!
What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.
Me: Knock knock.
Some dude on the street: Who's there?
Me: Whowhowho.
Dude: Whowhowho who?
Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.