I would make a clock joke, but I don't have time.
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Donald Trump has too much sand in his vagina.
What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?
My boner.
What's the good thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's twenty of them!
My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.
I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.
Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.