Worst Jokes Ever
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
What's a tree's least favorite TV show? Chopped!
What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
Because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
What did Sally get for Christmas? Ligma?
What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table.
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
Why?
You're do annoying like your fucked up hairline.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Disabled.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
- Hey, are you single?
- No, I'm album.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
Why did the egg cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to be scrambled!
What do you call a router in a thong?
CISCO....(that thong thong thong thong!)
Life is all that matters.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a lil' boogie in it ;)
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.