Worst Jokes Ever

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?

Battery acid.

Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

Wanna hear a funny joke?

My life.

One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."

The other said, "Really? I like my bed."

So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"

This for you roman y e e e nt

What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?

"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."

Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she was hit by a bus.

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a Shitzu.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

Sans

Why is Earth flat?

What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?

Cell-ablate!

Glue is sticky.

hahahahahhhahaha

What was the epileptic chef’s house special?

Seizure salad.

Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.

God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.