Worst Jokes Ever
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
Why is Donald Trump president?
So he can deport Mexicans to Mexico.
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snow girl?
Snowballs.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Nobody, because chickens don't talk."
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
I like trees when they are firmly stuck in a hole. PS, your hole.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage...
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
Why is the homeless homeless?
Because it's homeless.