Worst Jokes Ever

I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.

He one day said his business was "remarkable."

Why was the egg runny?

Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.

What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport?

Cross-country.

Wanna hear a skeleton joke?

Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.

Robyn Smith

Lewis Clow

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

A blind person walks into a bar.

Because they can’t see where they are going.

Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?

Because they lost their two best shooters...

What is the chair's favorite person?

A sit-izen.

What's long, black, and sticky?

A stick.

*bowl of dark grapes*

Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.

Friend 2: Black? Good one.

Friend 1: 21 at a time.

Play dead, they said.

Wasn't too hard.

I've been dead inside for years.

Q: What were my son's last words before he died?

A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."

I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.

Baby > commits start breathing.

Mom > commits abort.

Baby > commits ohshit.exe

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Your brother is gay, and so are you.

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?

Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.