Worst Jokes Ever
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?
It was ran over. 🐧
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Pete: Knock, knock...
Paul: Who's there?
Pete: Boo...
Paul: Boo who?
Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!
Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!
You look tall for being a yellow dwarf. You are 432,450 miles tall!
I learned that a strangler was targeting me.
All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"