"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
Worst Jokes Ever
What was Jim Jones' favorite drink?
Killer Kool-Aid.
Stroke victims are my heroes.
My favorite is Louis C.K.
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ligma. Ligma who? LIGMA BALLS!
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
I hate these double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.
What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?
A skele-TON!
Two wind turbines are standing in a field.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The other says, "Well... I'm a huge metal fan..."
Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?
To drown herself.
Aj died in a bar.
The end.
A man and a cow walk into a McDonalds, and the man walks up to the front counter and says, “I’d like one beef burger.” The employee of McDonalds said, “Sure thing sir, also I really like to see your cow, may I bring him into the back room really quick to show my co-workers?” The man says, “Sure.” The employee takes the cow into the back room. A couple minutes later, the employee came back with his burger. The man took a bite of it, and realized his cow was gone.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Three Jewish people walk into a bar.
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
I put glue in a man :)