Worst Jokes Ever
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
What happens if you sit under a cow?
You get a pat on the head.
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
What do you call mo on a dating website? Tissue face.
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
Was Jesus a virgin? Of course not! He was nailed before he was killed.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Why do you make fun of disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
Stephen Hawking, more like Stephens not walking.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims of course, they went through 89 stories in only 5 minutes!
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.