What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Names......
Worst Jokes Ever
You know the sport that Mexicans are good at?
Cross-country.
My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.
Religion... That is all.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
Why is April the smartest month?
It can never be fooled.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
Flat Earthers
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
How do you fit three flags on a bar stool?
Flip it over!
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.