What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
Worst Jokes Ever
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."
We never saw him again.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
Gun control...
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.
Anything can be funny with the right delivery, except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.