I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.
Worst Jokes Ever
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What game did knights play most often?
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
What are Mexicans' favorite sport?
My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
Mary had a little lamb.
Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!
What's the difference between George Bush and Donald Trump?
One is into airline security, and one is into wall, turrets, and rockets.
What's the similarity between George Bush and Donald Trump?
It just doesn't work...
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla
I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)