Worst Jokes Ever
There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.
One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."
"I don't want to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.
The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.
"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.
The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"
The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."
The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"
"All I remember is that horrible smell..."
The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."
What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.
What’s a sheep’s favorite song?
"Baby Don’t Herd Me."
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.
"Let girls live" is 9 years old, OMG, right?
Why did Greg go mad? Because Stephen stalked him.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
What did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. 😂😂😂
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
Race car backwards is race car.
Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
I would make a joke about your sister, but she banged me.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Your mama is so fat that when she was playing online, she crashed the whole server.
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
I don't have luck with other angels.
So I just WING IT!
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?