What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.
Worst Jokes Ever
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What's got 9 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Incest is wincest.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
This is American politics that is not true.
Women’s rights *bazinga!*
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
Why doesn't bread like warm weather?
It gets toasty!
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
What's worse than 5 babies tied to 5 trees?
1 baby tied to 5 trees.
I have two eyes and am afraid of sex.
A Fortnite player.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
I like my coffee like I like my women.