What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
Worst Jokes Ever
So my best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a ‘single’ joke. Then she said, "Go and f***ing die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF I will break his body for you. Happy now?"
She said, "Sniff, yes."
Only Fortnite players will get it.
Where do you get salt water? Salty Springs.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
What did the bus say to the other bus?
"Beep!"
What's yellow and can't swim?
Georgie.
Yo mama is so stupid that she thought NASA is a gaming program!
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"
Have you heard of the invention of the shovel? It's groundbreaking!
What do you say after you go out for middle eastern food? I falafel (feel awful)!
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
What’s the best math equation to eat?
Cosine Law.
Hi. I am Joe.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.