Worst Jokes Ever

A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.

The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"

The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."

If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.

People are like potatoes.

We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.

Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.

I had a fun funeral / birthday.

A roman walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers and says, "Five beers, please!"

Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.

He also forgot to pay the power bill.

If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?

A: With a blender.

Q: How do you get them out?

A: Chips.

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

Chuck Norris: "Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he just allows you to lose."

Me: "How come did you lose Return of the Dragon?"

Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.

This site.

Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.

Elephant

What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?

They said, "Allahu Akbar."

Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.

Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.

My chance of finding love.

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.