Christopher Columbus: *Sees native Americans* Can I see your land?
Native Americans: Sure, just be care..........
Christopher Columbus: Boonk gang whole lot of gang shit.
Worst Jokes Ever
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,
but I never realized they suited me.
A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.
What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
Someone is adding dirt to my garden!
The plot thickens!
Yo mom!
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
Hi, my name is Jeff.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.
I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."
Ur dick.
How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.
To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?
One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.
Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!