Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a retarded cow?

Vegan (vegetable).

This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.

You know why seven ate nine? Because 7, 8, 9.

Weenis long.

I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.

Porky

I like tortles.

Hey dad, I'm hungry!

Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?

I sat on a chair.

One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.

What do we call a Canadian gay, disciplined cunt?

I told a cookie a joke the other day.

It just crumbled.

What did the baseball player say to the bassist?

Nice baseline!

God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.

Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

Want to hear an inside joke? I walked into a house.

Want to hear an outside joke? I walked out of that house.

What do you call a creepy flower? A Pedel-File!

Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.