Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?

A spicket fence!

I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.

Sally fell off the swing. How did she fall off?

She had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."

Why did the pedophile cross the road?

Because there was a school on the other side.

Bully: You're gonna die.

Me: Hurry up then.

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"

So a blind guy walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

No, I don't want to.

A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Daniel takes his frustrations out on Shaenaya and his sexual frustrations out on Arunima.

Shaenaya hates me, help! And she wants to suck off ******* and ****** and ***** and *****.

I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.

Yo mama so stupid that when the mirror cracked, she tried to order another one.

Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a chair, and a table, and a wall.

Hmmm.

What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?

Pot roast.