Worst Jokes Ever
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Having sex while camping is fucking in-tents.
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?
Because it was on strike.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You give it a little boogie.
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
What do people say to knights when they go to bed? Good knight!
What noise did Steven Hawking make when he died?
Windows shutting down.
NONCE
You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:
Sans: "Sub bro."
Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"
Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."
Sans: "A skele-ton."
(Drum effect)
Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Pussy = drugs.
That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.
Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.