Did you sit in sugar?
Because you've got a sweet ass.
Worst Jokes Ever
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?
It was Eight-Nothing.
Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they already lost two towers.
Yo mama so fat, that when she gets in a monster truck, it becomes a low-rider!
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
Ex-girlfriend: “I can smell fish.”
Ex-boyfriend: “I can smell sh*t.”
Ex-boyfriend: “Well, how many boys swam down there?”
Ex-girlfriend: “20!”
Fish: “Wasn’t me, I don’t swim around mistakes.”
Want to hear a joke? My life.
Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
I like my women like I like my eggs.
Beaten against a table until her insides come out.
My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.
We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
Yeetus.
What happens when two walls meet?
They are cornered.
Do you wanna know the best thing about 28 year olds?
There are 20 8 year olds.
Wanna hear a joke?
Woman's rights.