Worst Jokes Ever
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife is dead.
I wish I could kill my family, but you realize you're an orphan.
Jake Paul's life:
Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
I would make a disabled joke.
But they never work.
Poopy face, poopy face, poopy poopy poopy face!
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Seven ate nine!
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Q: What is the hardest part to eat on a cabbage?
A: The wheelchair.
Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
Have you ever met a knight with a metanite at night?
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there?
Not Susie.
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1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.