Worst Jokes Ever
I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife is dead.
I wish I could kill my family, but you realize you're an orphan.
Jake Paul's life:
Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
I would make a disabled joke.
But they never work.
Poopy face, poopy face, poopy poopy poopy face!
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Seven ate nine!
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Q: What is the hardest part to eat on a cabbage?
A: The wheelchair.