How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
Worst Jokes Ever
You look tall for being 432,450 miles tall!
Your d*** size...
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
Stop bullying.
How to stop bullying?
What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?
CORE-ean
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?
It was ran over. 🐧
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
