Worst Jokes Ever
How did the Skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He read the weather forecast.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.
Dark jokes are like food, not everybody gets it.
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
Think like a proton and stay positive!
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them, but the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, “Shove it up your butt, if you laugh we kill you.” So, he shoves the peach up his butt and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native Americans kill him. They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, “I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?” The second guy says, “Oh yea, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
I was baking a cake when I saw some egg shell in the mix. I said, "You've got to be yolking me!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"