When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
Worst Jokes Ever
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Snort poo poo.
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
Ben Inkster, more like gay.
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
What's a retard's favorite rock band? Syndrome of a Down.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
What do you call a white girl at Starbucks?
At home.
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The third one's for you.
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!