Worst Jokes Ever
What is brown and extremely sticky?
A stick.
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
NASA = Not Africa North America. That's what NASA stands for.
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Why are we here?
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?
Carlos.
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Sinocyclocheilus anophthalmus.
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Why didn't the rooster cross the road?
Because he was a chicken!