I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
Worst Jokes Ever
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.
What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered sex offender.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
Donald Trump: "I play Fortnite just to build walls."
What did one detective say to the other detective?
"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."
What do you call a digital hamburger? Processed meat.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's appealing!
