My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
Worst Jokes Ever
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.
Ali A's face.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire?
He won the F1 Wheelchair race.
My life, there, that was the joke.
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter Uranus.
Skeletons love to be in band. They love the trombone!
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
