I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
Worst Jokes Ever
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
What did Steven Hawking say?
Nothing.
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?
Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
My happiness.
