I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? His ethernet cable fell out.
These nine kids were being bullied by these 10 guys in an alley. So, I thought I would help.
It was 9/11 all over again.
You're dumb, but that's not what she said.
Why take a nap on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
A man walks into a bar.
Ouch!
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
I woke up on the floor this morning. I think I woke up on the wrong side though.
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
Do you know why no one speaks about George Washington?
John Adams turned him into atoms. John Adams was an alien.
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to 10 trees.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None. Feminists can't change anything.
