Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
Worst Jokes Ever
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.
She said we can still be cousins.
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
What did the chicken say when he crossed the road?
Quack!
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She's retarded.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
Why did the cow go to space?
To get ice cream!
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What did the water say to the water? "Water" you doing?
