God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
Worst Jokes Ever
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
What do you call a nasty ass boy?
Sam Caithness.
A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.
When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
Goes to school with blue suppressed pistol. #1 Victory Royale!
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
What's green then red all over?
A frog in a blender! :)
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
Tyler
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.
