Worst Jokes Ever
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
People who make puns always get pun-ched by people.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
What did Onett and Threed reply to their child?
"I love you Twoson."
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
Having sex while camping is fucking in-tents.
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?
Because it was on strike.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You give it a little boogie.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.