Worst Jokes Ever
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The doorbell repairer.
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
What did Allan say to his sister bully when she stepped on his toe? "Mitosis!"
I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife is dead.
I wish I could kill my family, but you realize you're an orphan.
Jake Paul's life:
Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!