Worst Jokes Ever
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
Yo mama so fat, she takes up all the space.
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.
A baby seal walks into a club...
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
What’s Brock from Pokemon's favorite food?
Brockoli.
I exist.
There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.
It's called "Unplugged!"
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
Christianity.
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
Don't trust stairs... They are always up to something.
Don't trust atoms... They make up stuff.
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His left shoulder.
What goes with chips?
Not your cheese.