Worst Jokes Ever
What goes in hard but comes out soft?
Gum.
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
Child: I am hungry.
Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!
Child: *groans* *walks away*
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
Stephen Hawking couldn't drink anything.
He'd break if he did.
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.
Your life is the joke.
What is the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but their flag is a big plus!
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Do you want to buy my Hoover?
I mean... it's just collecting dust.
I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.
It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."
What goes "Ooooooo"?
A cow with no lips.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?