My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower. Thanks, Phil!
Worst Jokes Ever
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
When you pull out, but the baby's face turns blue.
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Only a genius can say this.
I am stupid.
Send toe pics lol :)
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
I tried making an orphan baseball team. It sucked because they couldn’t find home plate.
Die.
Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.
I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.
So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.
So THEN I bought a LED whistle but it steel wooden LED me whistle.
When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."
A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.
If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
- Dude, what is your favorite rapper?
- He is very cold-blooded.
- Why?
- He is Ice Cube.
- Dude, what is your favorite rapper?
- He is very cold-blooded.
- Why?
- He is Ice Cube.
