Worst Jokes Ever
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
I fell down the stairs once.
What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
What do you call a bull sleeping?
A bull-dozer.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
A seal walks into a club.
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
reCAPTCHA
Why couldn’t the guy make bubbles?
He couldn’t find the right solution.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?
HO, HO, HO!
Why don't skeletons play music at the church?
Because they don't have any organs.
Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.
Man: I wish for more wishes.
Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.
Man: I wish I could.
Genie: ......
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"